Great Expectations!

Tomorrow is my appointment with my Oncologist. I haven't seen him in four months.  It sounds like a long time for a cancer patient to go without seeing their doc but I guess with a slow-growing cancer, it is not unusual.  I do have to pay $50 every time I see him so it's probably a good thing it's not every month but to be honest, sometimes I wish it were a little more often.

I am hoping that I don't have too high of "expectations" for this appointment.  At my last appointment, I had just met with the liver surgeon who is not on my insurance plan and he (Oncologist) was very positive about the fact that the liver surgeon thought I was a good candidate for liver resection.  We agreed that at this coming appointment (tomorrow) he (oncologist) would set me up with the liver surgeon at my hospital   His feeling was that they (my hospital or this surgeon) would probably not want to do liver surgery on me and then we could send me out-of-state to a specialist or get approved for this other liver surgeon to do it who is not on my plan (of course he did not know about Dr. Kim or did not think about him).  Of course, I have since gone to see Dr. Kim at Huntsman who is on my plan and he said he could do it.  I hope my oncologist is a-ok with me jumping the gun and going to see Dr. Kim on my own.  I can't imagine why he'd care and I know that I shouldn't care if he is mad or annoyed but I do want my doctor to respect me.  I am nervous.  I am nervous that he will say it is a bad idea.  I am nervous that he will think it's a great idea.  Surgery is scary.  Liver surgery is very scary.  My last surgery, I really had no choice.  It was "you need surgery". This time it is more my choice.  I can choose to NOT do it or I can choose to DO it.  Of course, I am also nervous that my insurance will say NO--mainly because of what I say above (my choice).  I know what the specialists say... cut it out, cut it out, cut it out.  

I will post tomorrow night or Wednesday after my appointment.  I hope my sister shows up this time.  I could really use the support.