Wednesday, February 12, 2014

I wasn't going to say anything but...

I wrote a post when this happened but decided not to publish it for legal reasons.  Here is a re-written post:

I got laid-off from my job on January 31st.  I was surprised they actually did this to me but they have covered their asses and I don't see any recourse but to lay down and die cry.  I will be ok for this month and I do have insurance for a few more months (unless I get another job or pick-up COBRA).  I'm still waiting for my COBRA paperwork so I don't know how much that will cost me. 

Wow, I don't even know what to say about how I feel.  I feel like they are putting a nail (or two) in my coffin.  The last thing I need is more STRESS in my life right now!  I feel strongly that stress is not good for cancer patients and I know it's not good for Carcinoid Cancer patients as it leads to high bp, rapid heart rate, flushing, diarrhea---all those lovely carcinoid syndrome symptoms.  I think cancer feeds off stress (and not sugar as some believe-I may do an entire post on that soon).  I am looking for a job.  I had one interview already and I think it went well.  It would be a good job, with insurance starting from day one.  I haven't heard anything back yet but they said it might be a couple of weeks.  I also met with a placement agency and they thought they had a couple of positions that might be a good fit.

What do you tell a new employer about needing time off for a CT Scan and/or doctors appointments?  I know you don't legally have to tell them anything before you are hired and not much after.  Part of me just wants to sit this month out and really look for a job next month after my scan on the 27th and Dr.'s appointment on the 4th.  Then I wouldn't really have to worry about it except for my monthly shot. Or do I tell them when I'm hired that "Hey, by the way, I have fuckin cancer!  Still want me? 

I just really didn't need this right now!  Argh....

I have had some really down moments (OK, days) but I'm trying.  I do not believe that everything happens for a reason.  That is bullshit (to me).  Things just happen.  Period.  In my interview, the girl asked me if I thought I was a "lucky" person.  I almost laughed about that one.  Really?  I should have been honest and said yup, I'm so lucky I got cancer!  I really don't believe in luck.  I think we make our own "luck" if that is what you want to call it.  I guess she was trying to get a feel for my attitude.  I'm pretty good at hiding my real attitude, which isn't always that positive.  There, I said it.  I am not a positive person.  People tell me I am so positive and strong and blah, blah, blah, but I am not.

I am very anxious about things (money mostly).  Hey, I just met my $3,000 out-of-pocket and now if I get a new job with new insurance it'll start all over again (and may be even more $$$)!  Yippee!  I owe taxes that if I don't pay off at least one year -- they will put a tax lien on my credit.  Found that one out today.  It's not a lot of money and I'm going to pay it but I really could have used that money for bills, etc.  It just never ends.  Sometimes I feel "why bother"?