Wednesday, June 18, 2014

2nd "Cancerversary"!

Well, today its been two years since I heard the life-altering news, "you have cancer"!  Wow.  What a ride...


I wasn't even going to post anything more about it. I'm just feeling "blah".  Not really into it nor do I feel like it's a time to celebrate.  I'll never be "cancer-free" again.  I don't know how long I have.  Hopefully years before progression necessitates any intervention.  I've been stable since my liver surgery in Feb. 2013.  16 months.  That is GREAT!  (See, I'm trying to be positive.)

So many have died recently.  One young man, 6 months after diagnosis.  Another 5 years. Another 8 1/2.  Lindsey 3 years.  You just don't know how long you've got.  No one does but we're standing in the middle of the road waiting for that bus to hit.  All I hope for is better treatment options by the time I need something!

Here's to another 2 years with the good quality of life that I have right now!  Here's a "toast" to all those making this journey with me!


Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Almost Two Years!

Approaching my two year "Cancerversary"...

I can't believe its almost been two years since I was diagnosed with NET cancer (neuroendocrine carcinoma)! My thoughts have been going back to that time and it's funny interesting how everything is "before" diagnosis or "after."  Before surgery #1 or after.  Between Surgery #1 and #2...  you get my drift?

During a very long drive home from my sisters in Southern Utah (fighting the wind all the way), I was thinking about that day, the day after my colonoscopy, when I was walking out of the CT scan room and when ignorance really was "bliss".  I wonder what the technician was thinking?  Was he feeling sorry for me?  I know he saw all the tumors in my liver!  Was he thinking "oh, she's a dead woman walking?"  I probably would have though it had I known then.  I'm sure that most people, with that many tumors, don't have a very good prognosis.  I haven't been back to that particular hospital since that first scan or I would ask him.  He was very nice.  An old "hippie" looking guy (probably not that old).  I remember his kindness, his easy "banter" when he took me back to the room and got me all set- up.  I don't remember being nervous or even worried.  I'd had a CT scan before so I remembered the "wet" feeling when they inject the contrast.  I'd sat in the waiting room for about two hours drinking the iodine contrast and had to pee so bad (I couldn't remember if I was supposed to go), and when he asked if I need to use the restroom before we got started I was like, YES!!!

I just went back and read my very first blog post, which describes that first CT Scan. Made me laugh (a little).  Who knew where I'd be almost two years later... hear I am, still, and grateful to be alive and doing so well.  (I'd still like to know what he was thinking as he walked me out.)

So I'm trying hard to rediscover my "bliss". Maybe not the ignorance part--I'd rather be informed of what is going on but I need some "bliss" to come back in my life.  I keep saying I'm going to start exercising again and I really think it's time to get off the couch and just start doing it!  Yes I am tired, I have no energy but perhaps if I can just get started with something I will feel better!



It'll be two years since "the call that changed my life" on June 18th.  Two years since my first surgery on July 2nd and 16 months since liver surgery on June 21st.  Back in January I stated that my "goal" for 2014 was NO surgery for the year!  So far, so good.




Friday, June 6, 2014

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed -



Karenstan.net recently posted an article (written by a nurse!) that’s resonating with readers everywhere…and especially with me!  I feel I'm one of the lucky ones who have been given some time to find what is most important to me. I think everyone should read this and really think about what is important (to them) in life and what would you regret?  These blew me away!  

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Manydeveloped illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way,you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness

- See more at: http://www.karenstan.net/2013/11/11/nurse-reveals-top-5-regrets-people-make-deathbed/#sthash.qhWPOj9s.dpuf