I went with my friend for his final radiation treatment for prostate cancer. He had 45 treatments and is now done! He got to "ring the bell".
I was left with mixed emotions. While I am very happy for him--his treatment has ended-- it made me sad to realize I'll never get to "ring the bell". I'll never be "finished" with treatment. Not that I have much in terms of treatment for my cancer. A shot every four weeks. Surgery. Down the road I know there will be more. Perhaps liver directed therapy if my tumors start to grow or the number increases. My treatment will not end. Not until I do. There is no cure. There is little chance of remission. No NED (no evidence of disease). Not unless there is a miracle and my cancer disappears! Hey, people say it happens.
I do hope his cancer never comes back. I'm not sure of his risk of recurrence but I think it's pretty high. He had a pretty aggressive cancer. I asked him if it felt weird to be on his own now. No more daily appointments. No more feeling like you're really doing something to kill the cancer. I get it. When I went from lots of appointments, surgery, tests, etc. to basically a shot, it was like being cut-off. Set adrift. I felt somewhat lost. I'm sure he does now too. I told him I understood. It is normal. I read a lot of cancer patients blogs. It isn't the first time I've heard about that feeling when treatment ends.
I'm okay with my treatment for now. I feel good about my decision to go ahead with the liver surgery. Even knowing it wasn't a cure and that it would still leave me with several tumors. I believe it bought me time. Hopefully a lot of time! I am still very, very, tired. Maybe not quite as tired as I was while taking the progesterone but pretty freakin exhausted. The jury is still out on whether or not the removal of my uterine fibroid will stop my bleeding. I'm still spotting but it is getting lighter. That reminds me, I need to call and make my post-op appointment with my doc. Better get to it!
Cheers!
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