Approaching my two year "Cancerversary"...
I can't believe its almost been two years since I was diagnosed with NET cancer (neuroendocrine carcinoma)! My thoughts have been going back to that time and it's funny interesting how everything is "before" diagnosis or "after." Before surgery #1 or after. Between Surgery #1 and #2... you get my drift?
During a very long drive home from my sisters in Southern Utah (fighting the wind all the way), I was thinking about that day, the day after my colonoscopy, when I was walking out of the CT scan room and when ignorance really was "bliss". I wonder what the technician was thinking? Was he feeling sorry for me? I know he saw all the tumors in my liver! Was he thinking "oh, she's a dead woman walking?" I probably would have though it had I known then. I'm sure that most people, with that many tumors, don't have a very good prognosis. I haven't been back to that particular hospital since that first scan or I would ask him. He was very nice. An old "hippie" looking guy (probably not that old). I remember his kindness, his easy "banter" when he took me back to the room and got me all set- up. I don't remember being nervous or even worried. I'd had a CT scan before so I remembered the "wet" feeling when they inject the contrast. I'd sat in the waiting room for about two hours drinking the iodine contrast and had to pee so bad (I couldn't remember if I was supposed to go), and when he asked if I need to use the restroom before we got started I was like, YES!!!
I just went back and read my very first blog post, which describes that first CT Scan. Made me laugh (a little). Who knew where I'd be almost two years later... hear I am, still, and grateful to be alive and doing so well. (I'd still like to know what he was thinking as he walked me out.)
So I'm trying hard to rediscover my "bliss". Maybe not the ignorance part--I'd rather be informed of what is going on but I need some "bliss" to come back in my life. I keep saying I'm going to start exercising again and I really think it's time to get off the couch and just start doing it! Yes I am tired, I have no energy but perhaps if I can just get started with something I will feel better!
It'll be two years since "the call that changed my life" on June 18th. Two years since my first surgery on July 2nd and 16 months since liver surgery on June 21st. Back in January I stated that my "goal" for 2014 was NO surgery for the year! So far, so good.
During a very long drive home from my sisters in Southern Utah (fighting the wind all the way), I was thinking about that day, the day after my colonoscopy, when I was walking out of the CT scan room and when ignorance really was "bliss". I wonder what the technician was thinking? Was he feeling sorry for me? I know he saw all the tumors in my liver! Was he thinking "oh, she's a dead woman walking?" I probably would have though it had I known then. I'm sure that most people, with that many tumors, don't have a very good prognosis. I haven't been back to that particular hospital since that first scan or I would ask him. He was very nice. An old "hippie" looking guy (probably not that old). I remember his kindness, his easy "banter" when he took me back to the room and got me all set- up. I don't remember being nervous or even worried. I'd had a CT scan before so I remembered the "wet" feeling when they inject the contrast. I'd sat in the waiting room for about two hours drinking the iodine contrast and had to pee so bad (I couldn't remember if I was supposed to go), and when he asked if I need to use the restroom before we got started I was like, YES!!!
I just went back and read my very first blog post, which describes that first CT Scan. Made me laugh (a little). Who knew where I'd be almost two years later... hear I am, still, and grateful to be alive and doing so well. (I'd still like to know what he was thinking as he walked me out.)
So I'm trying hard to rediscover my "bliss". Maybe not the ignorance part--I'd rather be informed of what is going on but I need some "bliss" to come back in my life. I keep saying I'm going to start exercising again and I really think it's time to get off the couch and just start doing it! Yes I am tired, I have no energy but perhaps if I can just get started with something I will feel better!
It'll be two years since "the call that changed my life" on June 18th. Two years since my first surgery on July 2nd and 16 months since liver surgery on June 21st. Back in January I stated that my "goal" for 2014 was NO surgery for the year! So far, so good.
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