Another fellow blogger posted this quote from Atticus about courage:
"knowing you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do."
It brings up some serious questions and emotions. My sister was telling me about a co-workers brother-in-law who was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer and flew to MD Anderson in Houston for some pretty intensive treatment. She was like, why bother? He's going to die anyway. Why put yourself through that? Well, my response to that was (and is) "you don't know what you would do until you are faced with certain death". It really made me pause and wonder... what length will I go to when things get bad? What am I willing to put my body through? Right now, I'd say ANYTHING I have to. I probably won't win but I'm going to do whatever I can to beat this cancer down for as long as I can. Of course, with my cancer, things are not as dire as with most stage IV cancers. Carcinoid/NET Cancer is usually slow growing but it is often diagnosed so late that things can move quickly. Walking with Jane, an excellent website, is one example. Jane died four months after being diagnosed. She had symptoms for 30 years! Sometimes, Carcinoid/NET Cancer is very aggressive and moves quickly. So many different variables that it's hard to explain to people. When they ask me how I am, I say "stable". No growth. Good blood work. I don't think, even then, that they really "get it". Not unless you are a fellow cancer survivor or caregiver.
I do know that I don't want to become a burden to my family. I don't have kids, I don't have a husband. All I have are my two sisters. I don't think it's really fair to expect them to take care of me in my final years/months/days. I don't know where this path is going to lead me. Of course, I could get hit by that proverbial bus next week. Any of us could. I don't live day-to-day. I don't live in-the moment. I try but I just can't. I dream. I hope and pray for good things to come my way. I think that ten years from now there will be better treatments. More successful treatments. I don't pray for a cure. I don't think that will happen anytime soon. I do know that better treatment options for many types of cancer are coming.
On another note, I have a major decision I need to make about my health insurance. I'm now thinking that maybe I should switch to a different carrier. It would require me to see a different oncologist and a different cancer center. An excellent center that does a lot of research and clinical trails, however, they don't have anything specifically for carcinoid/net cancer. There just aren't that many of us. This is the problem. Raising funds for a rare cancer when the more well-known insidious cancers such as breast and colon get more money. Of course, when thousands die each year it creates more awareness than the rare cancers which claim a couple hundred or thousand each year. I've seen one mention of 33 Carcinoid/NET cancer patients die each day. A little over 12,000 a year. Sounds like a lot to me but when you put it with breast or colon, it is a much smaller number. Another under-funded cancer is lung. It's one of the biggest killers and doesn't get the funds because of the stigma associated with it. I'm a huge proponent for lung cancer research. No one deserves cancer--not even if you smoke or smoked. My mom had lung cancer. She smoked but had quit years and years before her diagnosis. She had surgery and treatment. She was a survivor (of the lung cancer but died from metastatic gastrointestinal cancer). Too many are not (survivor's). Too many young people are diagnosed with lung cancer that have never smoked or were casual smokers (again, not that it matters). So if you wonder why I post about lung cancer, this is why!
I think I have decided to switch my insurance to my employer. It'll be weird being covered by my own employer but I know the claims processors rarely look at the name.. we're just a number! I still think they might notice when a $17,000 claim comes in! Yikes. Oh well. They can't discriminate, right? Hahaha. I already know how that works. Sigh.
I do know that I don't want to become a burden to my family. I don't have kids, I don't have a husband. All I have are my two sisters. I don't think it's really fair to expect them to take care of me in my final years/months/days. I don't know where this path is going to lead me. Of course, I could get hit by that proverbial bus next week. Any of us could. I don't live day-to-day. I don't live in-the moment. I try but I just can't. I dream. I hope and pray for good things to come my way. I think that ten years from now there will be better treatments. More successful treatments. I don't pray for a cure. I don't think that will happen anytime soon. I do know that better treatment options for many types of cancer are coming.
On another note, I have a major decision I need to make about my health insurance. I'm now thinking that maybe I should switch to a different carrier. It would require me to see a different oncologist and a different cancer center. An excellent center that does a lot of research and clinical trails, however, they don't have anything specifically for carcinoid/net cancer. There just aren't that many of us. This is the problem. Raising funds for a rare cancer when the more well-known insidious cancers such as breast and colon get more money. Of course, when thousands die each year it creates more awareness than the rare cancers which claim a couple hundred or thousand each year. I've seen one mention of 33 Carcinoid/NET cancer patients die each day. A little over 12,000 a year. Sounds like a lot to me but when you put it with breast or colon, it is a much smaller number. Another under-funded cancer is lung. It's one of the biggest killers and doesn't get the funds because of the stigma associated with it. I'm a huge proponent for lung cancer research. No one deserves cancer--not even if you smoke or smoked. My mom had lung cancer. She smoked but had quit years and years before her diagnosis. She had surgery and treatment. She was a survivor (of the lung cancer but died from metastatic gastrointestinal cancer). Too many are not (survivor's). Too many young people are diagnosed with lung cancer that have never smoked or were casual smokers (again, not that it matters). So if you wonder why I post about lung cancer, this is why!
I think I have decided to switch my insurance to my employer. It'll be weird being covered by my own employer but I know the claims processors rarely look at the name.. we're just a number! I still think they might notice when a $17,000 claim comes in! Yikes. Oh well. They can't discriminate, right? Hahaha. I already know how that works. Sigh.
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